Facing Fear Through Phantom

I just watched this TED Talk, and it got me thinking about fear and how Phantom of the Opera shows how to face fear.

As a kid, I was obsessed with Phantom of the Opera. Every trip to the library, I would get a new book and the Phantom of the Opera soundtrack, and I would play that sucker on repeat until I had to take it back. For my 9^th or 10^th birthday, my grandma gifted me a book that included all the sheet music and pictures from the live performance; and one Halloween, I dressed up as Christine.

Until I saw this TED Talk, though, I never realized the lesson in the story. I may have picked it up subconsciously, hence my love for all things spooky, now. But Christine’s journey with fear had never occurred to me. Now, I realize that I’m more like Christine than I thought. I have my own phantoms lurking in the back of my mind, singing me dark lullabies that keep me awake at night and control my every move. These phantoms keep me from opening my heart completely and enjoying the feeling of vulnerability with those I know I can trust. They keep me from taking big risks in my life in order to fulfill my dreams. They keep me from enjoying friendships as they are, not how I expect them to be. They even keep me from eating certain foods for fear of choking or puking.

In college, I read The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz for the first time. In that book, it talked about facing and conquering fears in order to live more authentically, so I sat down in the school library and made a list of every fear of mine that I could possible think of. The list went from irrational fears like spiders and the dark to rational fears like losing loved ones and pregnancy. One by one, I faced those fears in the best way I could think of. I self-actualized until I completely understood myself and became more confident with who I was at the time; and, as a result, I became bolder and more willing to live by the seat of my pants.

But then, life went on. I left school and my old faith behind in a single motion. I was ready to live a new life—my own life—but I still wasn’t sure what that entailed. I just knew that things needed to change drastically. I was also hyper-aware of the naïve, sheltered life that I had led up to that point, which is where the fear started setting in, again.

As time went on, I spent all my energy learning about all the things I had never allowed myself to look at: different religions, sex, rated R movies, cursing, drinking alcohol—I wanted to experience the side of life I had always viewed from the outside with curiosity. As a result, I gained new hobbies and interests, met people I would have never talked to as a Mormon, and had experiences I had only seen in the media up to that point. But I also got my heart broken quite savagely, my depression never left my side, and now I had a whole new list of fears that I was suppressing.

But my fear didn’t reach its peak until sometime in 2014 on a typical work day at my retail job. I was in the back of the store working on a project alone, drinking my morning coffee and eating a granola bar, when my throat suddenly dried and closed up without any warning. For what felt like two minutes (it was probably only about 10 seconds), I scratched and clutched at my throat, stomped my feet, paced anxiously, desperately trying to get a small breath in. I was alone and didn’t know what someone else could even do for me in that moment. It was pure panic, something I had never experienced before; but, unfortunately, it was only the beginning of a series of panic attacks that would continue for months.

After those months, I became a mouse. I always have a water bottle handy in case of dry throat; and if I can’t take a water bottle into a place, I’m not fucking going. I’m much more antisocial, now, to the point of being a little agoraphobic. And I’m terrified of having any responsibility for my future because I don’t want to fuck it up. Next to these fears, anything Stephen King writes is a walk in the park (no offense to Mr. King, of course; he’s the Stevie Nicks of horror). Who cares about spiders when my life feels like it’s spinning out of control, and I have no idea how to stop it?

But here is where I come back around to Phantom. As is mentioned in the TED Talk, Christine had to make a decision when unmasking the phantom: love or fear; fight or flight. She chose to fight that fear and show love to the embodiment of those fears. She’s not in love with that embodiment of fear, that’s steering into unhealthy territory; instead, she shows the phantom compassion, showing him that she’s not afraid of him, anymore. Therefore, he can no longer control her, and she can now live her life however she decides. She no longer needs that angel or demon to accompany her every move because she knows that that fear can expire just as easily as she can.

I feel like this is the key to my fears. Someday, I’ll die. When I die, will I look back and be glad for my life or will I be soaked in remorse? It’s up to me, right here and now. Fuck my fears. They’re weaker than I am, more short-sighted than I am. It’s about time I hop on that boat with my love and feel the warmth on my back while my fears burn behind me.

Stay spooky.

I Know What You Did Last Summer

I finally watched this movie for the first time the other day. Having grown up in a home that prohibited movies with an R rating, I still have a lot of catching up to do in the horror genre and find myself seeing horror staples for the first time later in life, as opposed to when they first hit the theaters.

I was really looking forward to this movie because its cast comprises several big names of that era in movies. I was especially excited to see Sarah Michelle Gellar in this movie, as I’m a big Buffy fan and love to see her in whatever I can.

This movie began with an awesome cover of a classic feel good, summery song. Type O Negative did a great job with changing the vibes of the song from carefree and breezy to dark and creepy. In my opinion, the music in this movie was spot on to the genre and to the era from which it was borne.

As you may know, the movie follows four teenagers who accidentally hit a guy with their car, and then proceed to cover it up because they’re young, dumb, and don’t want their lives to end before they’ve begun. It’s a good reflection of real life and how some of our stupid mistakes as kids can come back to haunt us as adults. Take social media as an example. Most kids don’t think about the fact that their internet presence will be affecting their ability to get jobs or go to school in the future. Hell, I’ve made stupid mistakes on the internet as an adult and have had to reap the repercussions of my actions. It’s a hard lesson to learn but a useful one, all the same.

I was a little surprised when Jennifer Love Hewitt was cast in the role of the homely smart girl, as I’ve always viewed her as someone who’s just as much of a bombshell as Sarah Michelle Gellar. Regardless, she really nailed the role. I could hardly recognize her when she was dealing with her guilt; though, similar to Sarah Michelle Gellar, I still had a hard time seeing her as this weak, under-confident person because she’s typically a strong person and a confident leading lady.

Speaking of Sarah Michelle Gellar, it was so frustrating to watch her get murdered after knowing what she’s capable of as Buffy. I kept yelling at the TV during that scene because Buffy would have fucking known better. She would have kicked that guy’s ass, and then had something sassy or punny to say after.

One thing that happened in the movie that I didn’t understand is why Max (Johnny Galecki) died. He had nothing to do with that night, yet he was the first to go! Why would the murderer be after him, or even know that he existed? I’m not claiming to be a Max fan, by all means. He was a creepy guy who didn’t understand his boundaries with women…but his death seemed like a plot inconsistency to me.

All in all, it was a fun spooky movie to watch! It wasn’t too gory and maintained a good amount of suspense. I’m not sure that I would watch it a bunch of times over; but I wouldn’t mind watching it in July or during the spooky season. I recommend watching it at least once!

Stay spooky!

I'm back!

Welcome back, fellow spookadooks!

I have decided to pursue my passions through writing until I find a good answer for what I should do with my life. I miss being spooky on a regular basis! I miss being witchy on a regular basis! This reactivation will include a bit of both: spooky media reviews, maybe a little prop making, tarot spreads, and really any spooky/witchy thing I have going on in my life during each week. I’m hoping this project will get me up off my ass and actively crafting, again, as I have been a huge lazy ass for about 4 months straight, now.

I look forward to being spooky with all of you, again! Stay spooky!

The Snacking Monster

I was just reminiscing on my nights of haunting, remembering the times when the edible blood would make its rounds to bloody people up before the show. During those times, I was part of the vampire group of the haunt; so naturally, our group gravitated to the edible blood and playfully drizzled it in and around our mouths partly to get into character but also because it tasted really good. This memory sparked an idea that I'd like to share for all the current haunters because it really did help us get the feel of being a vampire who enjoys devouring the sweet nectar of the vein.

All haunters need snacks, right? Energy and enthusiasm can get a bit sparse a few hours in, and having an in-character snack nearby would really help keep that energy focused and bright. My idea is to get to know your character intimately enough to know what creepy thing they enjoy ingesting, as every creature of the night must feed its gut, and it's usually with something that terrifies and captivates. Werewolves, for example, could bring jerky or steak tips to be gnawing on. Vampires could bring cherries, strawberries, or their respective syrups. Mental patients could bring tictacs, so it feels like they're "taking their meds", even though the meds don't work--they're too crazy!

This is a fun idea because it not only involves eating, it also encourages creative freedom from one actor to another. It's a good way to stay active, awake, and nourished while doing what we do best, which is scare the piss out of the customer.

So, who's your character, and what creepy item might they be snacking on to incite fear?

DIYTuesday: Spooky, Sneaky Air Neutralizers

Hello, Friends!

Tonight's DIY was a little impromptu because I recently started collecting toilet paper rolls for another, larger project, but found that I needed some instant gratification within this crafting vein before moving on.

Introducing my little invention: the Spooky, Sneaky Air Neutralizer!

With most of my windows temporarily sealed for the cold months, my apartment can get a little funky, at times. The kitchen also seems to hold a bit more humidity than any other kitchen I've used, as my produce tends to rot faster. TMI, I know, it's horrible stuff; but this is why I need these Spooky, Sneaky Air Neutralizers!

I've got a good stock pile of these, now; so pulling 3 for a mini project was no big deal. Here they are, posing for the camera, completely innocent to the slaughter that awaits them...

"GAAH, NO! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, HAVE MERCAAAYYYYYYY"

In order to fill them with baking soda, I needed to make bottoms for these guys. Keeping it simple, I grabbed some old drawing paper and my compass.

I found the diameter of the most round toilet paper roll I had and marked that length on the paper, before eyeballing the center and using that new length to draw out the bottoms.

Pre-merge. They look nervous.

Once I had the bottoms cut out and ready for action, I grabbed some packaging tape and wrapped it, sticky side in, around one end of each TP roll. This tape will be used to hold and seal the bottom of these little dishes, so be sure to give yourself plenty to work with.

I cut tabs in the tape to make folding inward easier. After shimmying the paper bottom into place (around a lot of swearing--those bastards were stubborn because I made them a little too big), I gently but firmly folded each tab of tape onto the bottom.

They aren't the best bottoms, but they'll serve their purpose. That's all I ask!

The gang in the good old days.

My design options. I opted out of painting because, you know, cardboard; so I dug these freaking adorable scrapbook papers out from my archives. I bought these back in Fall of 2011 for a dinner party I threw for the joy of the season. 

It has actually come in really handy to have some scrap spooky paper around, as a side note/tip. Packets like the one I got (which came with all designs pictured) has proven time and again to be very versatile in use.

There were some scrap squares left from the dinner party, which is what I used because it was easy. I tabbed and taped the bottoms and folded them over like I did with the tape.  

In the process of folding.

I gave each roll two different patterns just for funsies. Here is angle 1;

aaand angle 2.

Here is the magic behind this operation: baking soda, or air neutralizer!

I love my giant bag of baking soda.

Once filled, all these cuties needed were homes; so I wandered the apartment for a bit and found the most suitable nesting zones for them. The first place I went was the trash can in the kitchen, then to the cupboard above it. Hopefully, we'll start noticing a difference soon!

Another common stinky area: the bathroom.

Another bathroom hiding place, this one a little further from the shower and toilet.

Nestled in with the laundry stuffs...

Spot the Spook! Another kitchen "hiding" place.

Finally, I set the last one in an area of the apartment that is affected the most by everyone in the apartment, through either leaving or returning--the living room. This room doesn't typically get smelly unless victimized by the smells of another room; however it is the place we carry in the most stuff from the outside...so I thought it best to leave at least one in there.

Slayer

Hello, everyone! How is your Friday evening?

Every Thursday evening, I have a moment in which I realize I haven't even thought of which character to highlight for Attire Fridays, here at Widower's Way. I procrastinate with the best (or worst, depending on how you look at it). I've been incredibly lucky since this started, however, because it seems like there's always a new, fun, and interesting character at the surface of my psyche ready to volunteer the moment I ask.

Last night, Buffy was the name that echoed in the dark halls of my mind when I wondered who to cover today; so I'm gladly obliging! I freaking love Buffy!

For starters, her fashion sense may be a little outdated, now; but its hard lines, color blocks, and minimal jewelry really speaks to my soul. She dressed practically--to kick ass--and smartly--to bring the boys to the yard and all that.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer by tizzy-potts featuring leather pants

I feel that the idea behind these outfits and the materials used for them was to balance the feminine and masculine qualities that Buffy balanced so well, herself.




For a super tough lady, Buffy could sure rock a miniskirt. All those ass-kicking muscles getting shown off!
Follow the link in the photo for a full list of various Buffy outfits!


Here is one Youtuber's rendition of the Buffy look. Super simple makeup and clothes you'll probably find at the back of your closet (you know, because they are kinda dated...):



Brought to you by MsDandelionDreamer!

And if you're wanting to actually do some ass kicking while dressed as Buffy, here's how to make your weapon:



Well, maybe not that one, but I enjoyed watching the process, at least.


Have a spooky, safe weekend! See you tomorrow!
STAY SPOOKY!!!

DIY Tuesday: Glass Luminaries, Part II

Greetings, Spooklings!

I know it looks like I've been slacking off, lately; but I've been busy starting a new gig and fighting off an infection. Between those two, it's been tough to make time for fun, unfortunately.

However, I did finally get around to painting some glass luminaries! I admit, I wasn't able to get to them all, but that's only because I'm trying to take my time and make them really nice. So, tonight, I'll be featuring two finished luminaries, and then I'll add in photos of the other two as they're finished (announcements on social media will be made at such times).


As you probably saw last week, I cut some old Starbucks bottles near the bottom to make them into luminaries. This week, I started them off with a brief cleaning, then gave them very watered down coats of my chosen colors (because it's all I have, I used acrylics) on the inside of the bottles. Before painting, I pre-folded some paper towels so I could let the bottles drip dry after being painted. This created a nice, even coat once dry, making it look like stained glass.

All the bottles freshly painted internally and dripping dry.

I wasn't really sure what I was doing design-wise while choosing colors for the bottles, so I just went for colors I generally decorate with and hopped on Pinterest to gather inspiration.

Pretty bottles in the daylight! I layered the purple on a little differently, as it didn't show up very well on a sheer coat like the rest. I'm hoping to come up with a good design to work with the pattern I created.

Inner view and a closer look at the dried finish.

This is after about six hours of playing around with paint in my room. It was 1am. I was tired.

Close-ups of the (maybe) finished touches. I enjoy dotwork!

I wanted to make this one look like an old, rusty lamp one would find in an abandoned factory. It ended up very Steampunky instead, which I'm not terribly upset about...

...I mentioned a few weeks ago that I'm (slightly) obsessed with stars. Welp, here ya go.

I started getting Don McLean's Vincent stuck in my head while painting this, so I've decided this is inspired by Van Gogh. I love him.

It's hard to tell, but the blue paint is oddly transparent. I'm really excited to see both of these with lights in them...once I buy the lights!

Two down, and two to go! As mentioned above, I'll post finished photos of these guys as I finish them! Thank you for joining me on this artsy fartsy adventure!

Have a vunderful evening.

STAY SPOOKY!!!